Missing My Girls

I’ve really been missing my “back-home” friends lately.  I miss my close girlfriends-the ones that I can walk into the homes of without even knocking, go straight for the closet, pick out a shirt and say, “Can I borrow this tonight?” (a very shallow example of closeness but you get the idea) I expressed missing that closeness, now that I am in NJ, when talking on the phone to my friend Jackie the other day, and she reminded me, "we’re not really friends any more, we’re more like sisters at this point."  

This week I’m really missing my sister Shelley.  Not my biological or even adopted sister, but certainly my best friend.

According to FB we have 154 mutual friends.  We’ve been college roommates-shared a major, 4 life-changing summers on staff at Camp Loucon, campus ministry mission trips, a sorority, tents, road trips, double dates, Chinese food, hair dryers-straighteners-and curlers.

Pictured Above: At Natural Bridge State Park for a friend's Bachelorette weekend with Beth (far left) and Shelley (on my right)

We’ve memorized every episode of Friends acquiring the unique ability to find a show reference for nearly every life situation.   

We’ve cried and held each other’s hand through the worst broken hearts of our lives.  Laughed until we were giddy when we realized we’d found “the one.”  Listened in shock as we discovered our fiancés missed each other my just 30 minutes when buying our rings from the same amazing jeweler friend, and stood side by side, each taking a turn as Maid of Honor.

With Shelley & Jackie the day I found my Wedding Dress! 

She makes that face a lot. 

She helped me out of the ocean when I got stung by a jelly fish & then went back in with me that same day despite her own fear…only to have me get stung-again! 

She showed up when I needed more adult volunteers for my youth ministry, loved the heck out of those kids in the name of Jesus, and kept me sane with insane amounts of laughter along the way.

Pictured Above: My youth group at Ichthus Music Festival 07- Shelley & I are down in front. Look carefully & you'll see our Jeweler, back left, in yellow! And the two of us relaxing in the youth workers tent-don't look too carefully at this one-we hadn't showered in days! 

She showed up when I had to prepare for a colonoscopy, coaching me through the drinking as if it were a shot contest!

She showed up with a bag of frozen peas when I called her shocked and crying after falling flat on my face, literally, breaking my nose.

She & her husband Kyle showed up when we needed help moving across the country…who does that!?

Pictured Above...Our first double date (and one of my first ever dates with Jonny!) with what would turn out to be our husbands.  I'd say it was love at first sight for the boys! 

She showed up when my Dad passed away-stayed through three days of visitation, a burial, and a memorial service. 

Pictured above...Sorority Sisters that showed up at the funeral home to support me.  Shelley is on the far left.  Don't let the photo fool you, there are 6 more children that belong to these girls not pictured!  

So it’s killing me that I can’t show up, yet again, for the birth of baby #2.  Any day now I will get a text letting me know it’s happening.  I will spend the rest of the day clutching my phone, just like the last time, teetering between giddy excitement and sobbing because I can’t just-show up.  I’m too far away.  Some friendships are so deeply apart of my “being” that not “being there” just feels wrong! 

I miss you Shell & I love you with all of my heart!

Busy but Blessed

     It's time for an update. Life is busy-classes, internship, part-time job (emphasis on the part-time but none the less added responsibility).  If there is anything that I've realized it's that in the midst of the busyness (particularly when dealing with grief) I need to make time for friends & family-even if it means I don't get all my reading done, and don't make the honor roll-ok so there is no Seminary honor roll but you wouldn't know it by the way people act!    
     
    In September we (Jonny & I) were blessed to be able to spend quality time with my Mother & Father-in-law. Now that they are both retired they have time to travel, so travel they do. They love trains so each year they pick a city that can be accessed by train and then ride the rails to that city.  Before going, they search for online deals and find an apartment, condo, rental etc...with a full kitchen (to cook rather than waste money eating out) that is available for a few weeks in the center of a city.  They choose spots with good walking access to activities, near public transportation, and then immerse themselves in the local culture.  


    This year they chose the historic city of brotherly love, 
Philadelphia, just under an hour drive from us! So for a month we were blessed to see them every weekend.  And yes, they are reading this, but I'm not just saying that, it really is a blessing to have them around and something we really enjoy!  So here's a look at one weekend we spent with them...

Walking down to eat at City Tavern 

and enjoying the world famous Turkey Pot Pie...a meal that apparently my Mother-in-law found some pretty amazing coupons for!  

We spent most evenings with them just watching the sun set over the downtown Philadelphia skyline from their high-rise building on the edge of the Delaware River. 

My favorite photo from the night, 
a sailboat under the Ben Franklin Bridge...

We watched this blimp, headed for the Phillies game, for a while...

Dave was certainly full of surprises that night...

So here's the best part, while we were hanging out on the terrace admiring the sunset I noticed Jonny and his parents standing against the wall looking off into the distance and mentioned that they looked like they were posing for a band poster/album cover.  It became one of those, "I'm the photographer so I'll shout out a hypothetical situation & you react" moments. The following series of photos resulted. We think the album will drop sometime this Spring.

So in summary...we're busy, but blessed! 

How was your summer?

Tomorrow a new school year will begin. Year three of my four year dual degree Graduate program in Seminary.  I had hoped to be writing this post full of energy and yes maybe even excitement.  Instead I find myself writing in pajamas that I admit I have not changed in the last 48 hours, with a tiny bit of a fever still lingering, and a completely foggy brain from said fever/a slew of over the counter and "behind" the counter remedies.  I am sick.  I have been sick since Thursday.  But my fever is down to a somewhat "normal" range so I will venture out tomorrow and try my hardest to make sense of whatever ramblings come out of my new professors mouth.  Can you sense my excitement!?

Honestly I would be excited sans weird virus bug thing I am dealing with.  I think.  Truth be told I'd still be a bit leery about going back to class this year regardless of my health.  I will inevitably be faced with the dreaded question, "How was your summer?"  Already when running into peers I have not seen in months I have dealt with this question.  What exactly do I say?   Here are three options I have come up with;

1.  The "truly honest" response:  Not so great, my Dad died. 

2.  The "ignore the tough stuff and just give them what they want" response:  My internship was great!


3. The "super sarcastic and awkward look evoking" response:    It was great, you know, aside from that whole Dad dying part. That really put a damper on things.


4.  The "what I'd really like to say but would never actually in my right mind say" response:  Are you seriously asking me that because I thought we were at least Facebook friends but apparently you didn't have time to check that!  My Dad died.    


The way I see it #1, 3, & 4 all cause extreme awkwardness for the person posing the question.  However, Response #2 makes me feel horribly awkward.

It feels weird going back to life as usual with school.  This summer I had my internship to focus on after Dad passed but it was all new.  I am realizing that last Spring semester is all a big blur because of Dad's illness and flying back & forth to KY so many times.  This semester I will be taking my first United Methodist class.  Just thinking about it makes me miss Dad like crazy.  He would love to hear all about what I was learning.  He would love to try and correct everything I was learning.  He would love to be the one teaching the class.  The humor of that thought will have to sustain me through my first day tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted about how I respond to the dreaded question. You just never know! Year three of grad school certainly makes me a lot more confident to speak my mind-yikes...this could be a dangerous year!

Day 5: And she lived happily ever after. The end.

Well, almost everyone!  So I'm stopping my Juice Fast. It is time to get back to my "regular" life if you know what I mean.  I've accomplished a full 5+ days and learned A LOT!  Tomorrow I go back to eating solid foods and hopefully begin a much healthier lifestyle.  My "Reboot" is complete. 

Day 4: Looks can be deceiving

Hey friends, 


Today was a rough day.  I'm to the point where all drinks no matter how creative the mix of vegetables and fruit have lost all appeal.  The thought of a well balanced cooked meal is beginning to be too good to resist (or for that matter a Papa John's pizza covered in cheese & sausage with garlic dipping sauce-mmmmm).  The health benefits to this diet may have run their course for me.  The chronic upper back pain that I have dealt with off and on for years has flared up over the last two weeks or so but has been manageable. So combine neck/shoulder pain with the discomfort of being without "real" food and honestly I'm not sure it's really worth it.  I think tomorrow may be my last day.  If I can make it through 5 full days I will know I have accomplished something great!  5 days is the recommended "first time" quick "reboot"anyway.  I don't regret this week I just think I may have been a little over ambitious shooting for 7 days. 


Here's a pic of a Beet mixture I tried today.  The beets were free thanks to an over abundance of beets in our friends' farm share this week.  The color of the beet juice is beautiful (though it's hard to tell from the picture) but looks really can be deceiving and the taste was just...ok. 

Thanks for reading and sticking with me this week! 

Day 3: What I've learned from my Juice Fast

Not much to report.  I'm happy to say that day 3 of the juice fast was pretty uneventful.  So I thought I would share with you some things I've learned over the past 3+ days about what has worked best for me.


1. Stick to the 80/20 rule. 80% veggies & 20% fruit...swapping the two will have nasty results!


2. Drink slowly throughout the day rather than at set aside "meal" times.  That way you are less likely to get hungry.


3.  Use a straw!  It help you to slowly sip throughout the day and really cuts back on the weird textures that sometimes come from juicing.


4.  Realize sooo much of fasting is mental & do whatever you can to psych yourself up NOT out.  Ex. Use a colored cup/glass so that you can't actually see the disgusting color of what you are actually drinking! OR if the drink isn't very tasty watch a cooking show while you drink it.  That way even if you are drinking green mush you'll be imagining a Rachael Rae masterpiece! Worked for me! 


5.  Don't eat to0 close to bedtime! Seriously, you'll be up all night running back and forth to the bathroom, after all your meal is straight liquid. 


6.  Recognize that like anything else in life trying to attempt a fast can't be done by your own willpower alone!


Number 6 didn't come to me easily. Honestly yesterday was much worse than I blogged about. I was doubting my sanity for starting this whole thing.  I was tempted by every TV commercial filled with food and I had a horrible time falling asleep last night. I was becoming as my church likes to call it, "Hangry"...that's hungry/angry.


At the end of the day I sat down & reached for a few short devotional books I keep handy. And by handy I mean next to the toilet.  Too much information?  Oh well you've already heard all about my colon so I can assume I do a lot of bathroom reading. Anyway,  I was reading Out of Solitude by Henry Nouwen as he spoke about the need to find a lonely place to connect with God.  He quoted Jesus' words: "If I were to seek my own glory that would be no glory at all; my glory is conferred by the Father, by the one whom you say 'He is our God,' although you do not know him." Nouwen goes on to talk about how God meets Jesus in a lonely place and gives him hope.  I was definitely doing this fast for my own glory, in my own power, and I was on the brink of quitting! It really got me thinking about the many fasts mentioned in the Bible and what the heck the purpose of those were...I mean 40 days!?! Really!?  Fasting is ultimately about giving up something we think we are dependent upon and finding the power to move on without it.  I recognize that while I may think I am able to find that power from within all on my own, any ability I have to resist temptation comes from God...so really I'm better off putting my trust in God rather than myself.  It was a good short and sweet reminder.


I reached for the second book, The Tender Words of God by Ann Spangler, and bam there it was again! She talked about the grumbling that went on from stubborn Israelites who thought God had abandoned them.  The prayer, "Lord you have never failed or abandoned me even though 'stiff necked' and 'stubborn' are words that sometimes apply to me just as they have sometimes applied to your people." Yep that was me stiff necked and stubborn trying to push through foodless hours all on my own to fulfill fairly selfish goals of losing weight and proving to myself I could "clean up" my body.  


The third book I reached for...OK sidebar, you must know I don't always read three devotions in one night. Truthfully I turn to these when I am most down and in need of a word from God...again after I've hit a wall and realized I need help. Sound familiar?  Anyway, the third book My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers really sealed the deal!  The words based on Matthew 3:11 from the August 23 devotional that jumped off the page and hit me upside the head were, "I indeed am at the end, and I cannot do more, but God begins right here, God does things that no one else can do."  In that moment it was very clear to me what God was saying...I cannot do this, but God can in and through me.  I can finish this fast if I turn my attention away from myself and what I am about to accomplish and instead focus on what God wants to accomplish in and through me during this time.  As Chambers said, "Get to the end of yourself where you can do nothing, but where God does everything." 


So I have a new focus.  No longer is this fast about simply "rebooting" myself physically.  It is also about allowing God to "reboot" me spiritually in whatever way deemed necessary.  The pressure is off...I am not doing this in my own weak power but rather in God's perfect and unfailing power. What a relief that is!

Taste of Heaven

(The Yam juice from yesterday's blog post)

Day 2 & 1/3

You better believe I am officially counting Saturday evening in my count now that things are finally getting difficult. 

The day started off well with an incredibly tasty breakfast...

Purple Power Juice

6 cups Concord Grapes,
1 Red Delicious Apple
, 
1/2 cup Blackberries

Apparently it was a little too tasty.  I'm not sure you know what happens when you eat too much fruit...let's just say it isn't pretty. It wasn't pretty! Honestly I've been consuming waayyy too many fruits & not enough vegetables. The fast is supposed to be 80% veggies & only 20% fruit...I've definitely been doing it backwards for the sake of taste.  So pushing through despite not feeling so great I followed it up with a Tomato, Celery, Romaine combo for lunch...it lacked taste, so I added onion, garlic powder, and a few sprinkles of basil...still lacked taste...but I managed.  


Honestly I was doing ok, all things considered. I decided to be brave and go out for our weekly cookout with neighbors. I steered clear of the food and played with the babies until everyone was finished eating. It was so good to fellowship with friends...it's amazing how much you realize you'll miss out on when you alienate yourself from the social practice of eating!  

The really bad part came when we returned to our apartment and for the first time REAL hunger set in. I have to admit I had a mini-melt down when absolutely nothing I juiced tasted good! My loving husband didn't even laugh at my ridiculousness (which I am sure we will later together-and when I say later I mean loooong after this week is over!). He just simply hugged me and took my shopping list to the grocery for me, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle a grocery store (too much prepared food!).  

The good news is I finally found a tasty veggie combo!  Thank you God for Yams and a Canadian guy, RMiller, who not only posted the recipe A Taste of Heaven (which I altered slightly) but also included an encouraging bible passage! 

Ahhhh, I feel full again. So I'm still pushing through, but the thought is crossing my mind...3-5 days may be long enough to feel like I accomplished my goal!? Right?  I guess it will all depend on that amazing colon of mine I know you love reading about!