Hush!

I had great plans to start blogging great & hilarious things about my life. My plan was to post uplifting stories with pictures of our life here in NJ to prove to our families and friends back in KY & IN that we really have had a great life here over the last 2 years.  To show the great ways God is working in our lives here.  NJ really is more than crime and industrial smoke stacks! But things have changed, again, and in honor of my father, I won't stop writing this time!  

Dad has pneumonia, his white blood cell count is up around 25,000 and normal is around 4,000.  His fever has fluctuated between 99 and 102, which is totally unlike him, I know because just like my Daddy my average temperature is around 97.9.  He slept through the night peacefully with plenty of medications to keep him comfortable.  He hasn't woken up yet today, even when the doctor examined him and my Mom squeezed and prodded him.  It’s not the first time we’ve had a night like that. 

We've been told pneumonia would be the thing that would take my Dad because of his already poor health and Dementia.  I was just there though, on Sunday. This seemed to come out of nowhere this time.  17 years is a very long time to be on a rollercoaster.  Right now it feels like those nasty teacup rides that just spin in circles until you get nauseas and are left begging for it to stop.  Once again I face the decision, when do I head back to KY? 

Yesterday my brother and I texted back and forth for hours.  He lives around a 3 hour drive away from my parents but he has a 3 year old and his wife is pregnant and due, literally any day!  It was hard but we are both trying to accept that when the day finally comes that Dad does pass on, we may not be by his side.  Because we are Christians we are certain of Dad’s future, but it doesn’t make letting go any easier.  I was definitely a daddy’s girl as a child and though our relationship was strained through my youth and young adult years, I will always be Daddy’s little girl.  The greatest feeling is knowing that whether I am by his side or not, he knows just how much I love and adore him!  I will treasure that no matter how bad his speech became from the stroke I can always clearly recognize his words to me, “I love you” “I’m proud of you” and “Beautiful.” Some people live a lifetime hoping and praying to hear those words from their father. I’ve been blessed to hear them in nearly every conversation I’ve had with my father since birth.  I’m a lucky girl!  I love you Daddy!

Ps. I should add that his words of reprimand were still clear as day this past weekend. He definitely told me “Hush!” which made the nurses bite their lips to avoid laughing. They couldn’t understand a word he was saying at that moment but “Hush!” came out clear as day when apparently I was talking too much.  I just smiled and said, “That’s my Dad”