Warning: If you don’t like sappy introspective “theological”
talk you may not be interested in this post…yet you’re probably the person that
should read it & be forced to think so go ahead…
Today I am home, alone, again, unable to leave the house as
I obey the rules that protect the vulnerable lives of my two unborn children.
Today is Ash Wednesday. I’m reflecting on the meaning of this day and this
season the Christian church is entering. Moreover, as I sit here alone,
admittedly somewhat lonely, I wonder…what does it mean in relation to
community? I always thought
receiving the ashes was more of a solitary act. The whole season of Lent seems
to be so introspective that it is often done in the silence of our own hearts
and “alone” time. So why is my heart
breaking that I can’t go and receive or administer the ashes in the company of
others in some form of communal worship?
Is Lent merely a time of personal reflection, introspection, and
individual prayer?
Christ did model private individual prayer time, in the
desert, on mountains, in a garden, near the ocean one time (he was outside a
lot) so why can’t I be content to pray alone today? Isn’t this 40-day stent supposed to be a reminder of Christ
going into the desert ALONE and fasting/praying, etc…to avoid temptation and to
be ready for what was to come? Yet, the bible also sends an overwhelming
message that I was created to live & “do life” in community…we all
were. I know WWJD is a mantra for
many but we weren’t created to be the savior of the world right!? We need both “alone” time and communal
time-right? We don’t sit at home
and administer the ashes on our own foreheads in the privacy of our bathrooms
or prayer closets. But would it be
ok if we did? Ok, now I’m rambling
and sending you through my mental back and forth ping pong match of
thoughts-sorry.
Ash Wednesday is not a tradition that my husband grew up
with in his non-denominational Christian church. Though he is now a Methodist he experiences Ash Wednesday
very differently than I do as a lifelong Methodist. So is it merely tradition
that makes it so special and powerful to me? Why am I missing it so much this year? Is it simply because it is just one
more thing I’m told “can’t” do while on bedrest? Is it because I am a minister missing the blessing of
serving others today?
Last year on Ash Wednesday I was in my last year of Seminary
and serving as an intern in a downtown New Brunswick, NJ church. It is a very diverse congregation full
of African and Caribbean immigrants.
It was a midday service designed with the hopes of serving the downtown
weekday business crowd in addition to active members. It was not my first time administering the ashes but it was
my first actually preparing the ashes- grinding the burnt pieces of Easter palm
branches in a small bowl with anointing oil and making a paste like
mixture. It somehow meant more to
me-even if the items did come from a Cokesbury bookstore kit. With each forehead I smeared the sign
of a cross on-black skin, white skin, brown skin, I became more aware of just
how much I loved having this honor and responsibility of being one of Christ’s
representatives to ALL of God’s people.
This year I sit at home
alone apart from ALL of God’s people, connected only by technology, the same
technology so many Christians will abstain from over the next 40 days-ironic
huh?!
I don’t have the answers yet, to tie this blog post up with
a neat little theological bow. I
don’t know that there is ever one simple black & white, clear-cut answer
for questions needing reflection like this. I suppose my reflection on these questions will continue
throughout Lent this year. What role does the body of Christ play in
one another’s lives during our 40-day walk to remembrance of the very real
dismemberment of Christ’s body?
Time
to reflect in community-or maybe I should continue reflecting in solitaire. Thoughts?
* I want to challenge you not to post well-intentioned
replies to this entry that are merely extended to make me “feel” better about
my bedrest situation or because you are worried about my loneliness. Please don’t. If you have a response that continues the dialogue about
this topic please chime in below.
You do not need a seminary degree or even an understanding of the word
“theology” to offer your thoughts.
Just please don’t respond in an effort to comfort me. I’d rather be made
to think, reflect, or even be challenged today. If comforting still somehow occurs through your words then
praise be to God.
I was not familiar with Ash Wednesday growing up - I simply thought of it as the thing the catholics do. I was introduced to the practice of the imposition of ashes at the seminary chapel at PTS and Ash Wednesday quickly became on of my favorite days on the Christian calendar. Today I'm surprised by how disappointed I am to not be able to make it to church to receive the ashes and have someone touch my forehead. Instead I'll be assisting college students in a dialogue with a delegation from West Africa - super cool btw - but I can't help but feel disconnected from the church body as well! xox
ReplyDeleteI think the answer to your question is BOTH. It is an individual AND a team event. I love the way I feel after receiving my ashes. To have the sign of the cross traced on my forehead in the same pattern that I received during the sacraments of baptism and confirmation renews something deep inside of just ME. But at the same time I feel a sense of community with the other sitting around me. It's a reminder that we are all God's children! Keep writing, I love reading.
ReplyDeleteOK, so I have put a lot of thought into this today. Being alone with 2 little boys prevented me from going to church earlier today (you will soon learn - haha!!) but that meant I got to go alone tonight, after reading your post. First, our Gospel reading tonight was from Matthew - do not stand on a corner and pray where everyone can see you, do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing, go to a quiet room and pray alone... I was reflecting on this as I watched everybody get up and receive their ashes and the "community" part hit me. Lent is a difficult season for us. We fast, we sacrifice, we give, we prepare for what is to come. We need the support of a church community. It's like this was a way of saying even though we are each on our own individual journey, we have the support of everyone around us because they are going through a similar journey. We are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you talk of the experience of ashes as a minister. I really, really enjoy (in the meaningful sort of way, not the "woohoo!" sort of way) imposing ashes. I didn't grow up with Ash Wednesday -- or Lent, for that matter -- but really appreciate it now. I've not heard others talk about that moment as a minister.
ReplyDelete